I know I’m supposed to be all strong and lemonade-y (referring to the Beyoncé joint), but right now there is a lot of suckage going on. Last Thursday I finally arrived, in two significant ways–one sucked ass, the other was the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Because I’ve been trained and have trained others in the art of the shit sandwich, I know enough to deliver the good news first.
Good way in which I arrived: As a senior in high school, I desperately wanted to see my name in a byline, in print in a well-circulated periodical. Last Thursday,my fifty one year old self gave a gift to my seventeen year old little girl self, and realized that dream with an article in the May 19, 2016 edition (page 32) of the Jewish Connection. The article is entitled: Hope Solid Lotion: Lotion for Life, and is a scintillating read about the benefits of solid lotion.
Bad way in which I arrived: After waiting about a month, I finally arrived at the Emerald City, and met the wizard who is supposed to give me a new immune system. At least, she’s supposed to figure out what everyone else could not. So far, Dr. Mice has impressed me in a way no other doctor has. She has confirmed every fear I have had, while other doctors have poopoo’d these as phobic… But, when I had her feel the almond sized lymph node she actually felt it, too. She also noted my blood gammopathy, and indicated I could have more than one cancer. I know it sounds nuts, but since I’ve thought this all along, it is nice to be treated as a partner in my health care, instead of a hypochondriatic histrionic.
So, I have my keys to my timeshare in Cancerland. I have an appointment for a PET/CT scan in early June, followed by a consultation with the dermato-oncologist from The Emerald City. We will figure out if I have any more cancers in addition to the Stage 1b mycosis fungoides. I feel like there will be a few surprises in my blood. I’m hoping it isn’t as bad as I think it is. I’ve waited a long time to find my way to my way to The Wizard. I hope she isn’t just a holograph blowing hot air like all the other wizards I’ve seen on my path. I’ve given up so much to get where I am. There has to be something over the rainbow.
A true shit sandwich will end with a positive spin on the filling. I’m trying real hard to focus on the positive, staying busy to quell the voices and images rushing through my brain. So, here’s the positive take on the whole thing: I’m guessing there is a great gift shop in the Emerald City. Who knows, maybe they’ll want some Hope Solid Lotion. See? Lemonade.