Yesterday my husband asked me about my blog. Not asked so much as questioned–“Have you written much lately?” “No,” I admitted. Well, that’s not true–I have been writing A LOT! What I haven’t been doing lately, however, is blogging–this much is true. My hubby continued. “You know, you have a following, and if you don’t write, your audience will worry about you.” I didn’t think much of it until today when I got an email from Word Press that someone had left a message. Sure enough, Hollary questioned if I was taking a break. I don’t know if it a break so much as don’t have a minute in the day to type anything other than that writing I had been doing.
So, what’s up? It’s this–I took a leave of absence from Cancerland and turned in my keys to the time share. Even though I need at least two additional surgeries, I had to go back to work, ready or not. I had planned an easy return for myself, but alas, my plans were not approved by the heavens above. My return will be the most challenging of my career! Oy! Last Wednesday I dusted off my keys to the timeshare in Healthyville, got on my big girl clothes, and started being called ‘Dr.’ again. It was nice, but challenging. The good news is I look good–my hot flashes give me a constant ‘healthy glow’–but the fact that I look good is also to my detriment. People (including myself) expect that I am 100% better when I am not and perhaps think I am slacking when in fact, I am recuperating. My sweater muffins don’t look too bad in a bra, so I don’t even look like anything was ever wrong with me.
On top of taking a leave from Cancerland, my family has been faced with its own personal crisis. I blogged a bit earlier that the end of November our land lady told us we have to be out by the end of January. The good new is we found a lovely house within the first week of looking and are on our way to the joy of home ownership. The bad news is getting the mortgage to a stable point has been more stressful than having cancer. Seriously, this is awful. Last Friday I emailed the loan processor all the documents she said were needed to close the loan. We had hoped to close early so we could do a little work on the new place. I called to follow up and she didn’t return my email or phone call. I figured it was because it was Friday, but I didn’t hear from her until today! It is a week later! She even admitted she forgot to email me about the missing documents I needed to have in place before they would even THINK of funding the loan. For every document I turn in, she needs three more.
It’s funny–if you look at all that is taking up my time, NONE of it is Breast Cancer. Sure, I am reminded every morning when I take a shower and see the implant with the blown out bottom next to the one that sure would be cute with a nip, I am reminded. Even if I turn in my keys to the timeshare in Cancerland, I still have to keep the keychain. For the rest of my life, I will be a resident. However, the healthier I get and the more days away from surgery I am, the more I will be able to do my job, be a good mother, a good wife, and to be an advocate for people impacted by breast cancer. I’m not there yet, but I will be soon.