In case you were feeling any post holiday blues with the passing of Pinktober, you stop it right now! Here, under your very noses (well, for the guys, anyway!) is a reason to celebrate again! Just when you thought you’d have to wait a whole ‘nuther year before you could feel good about cancer again, another opportunity presents itself–yesterday began the month of “Movember,” better known as Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. Unlike the holy month of Pinktober and the holy offering of holy pink paraphernalia that must be purchased by the devout, all followers of Movember have to do to be redeemed is grow some facial hair. That’s it! And it doesn’t even have to be a full beard–just a ‘soul patch’ will conscribe one into the ranks of the faithful. Facial hair will bring attention to a disease that, like breast cancer, has a 99% cure rate when caught in early stages. Hasidic and Amish men out there–way to bring attention to the cause!
Seeing how professional baseball players love to play with that part of their anatomy, especially on international TV, I image MLB will encourage its players to grow mutton chops or a handlebar ‘stache, or even one of those lame pencil thin lip-tickler to bring attention to the cause, much the way the NFL forced its players to wear pink to bring attention to Breast Cancer for Pinktober. After all the money spent on holy offerings in Pinktober, it’s nice to have a way to be altruistic and cool and with-it without spending an arm and a leg. In fact, Movember actually encourages its faithful to SAVE money by not having to buy shaving cream and razors. That money could be directly donated to organizations that research testicular cancer instead of the circuitous route monies earmarked for ‘breast cancer research’ must take. How much of this pink viking oven, designed to support Pinktober, will actually get to its final destination and buy a mammogram or fund breast cancer research? In contrast, Movember men just have to send a few bucks to a reputable testicular cancer charity, not shave, and viola! They have done their holy obligation for the year!
Before you go thinking guys get all the fun with none of the pain, Testicular Cancer is the number one cancer killer in young men in their 20s-30s. It also has the highest cure rate of all cancers, because, as we all know, men have to be first! And, because testicles ARE the Alpha Organ, weekly self-checks are the standard of care! Get up in there EVERY WEEK, baby! If you have testes or know someone who does, don’t be afraid to give yourself a little love. The life you save will be your own.
A special note to baseball players: While I appreciate and applaud your proactive approach to self-exams, you should never have to do an exam more than once a week, and never, ever should you have a reason to do a self-exam in public. Jus’ sayin’.