A blender. Gym membership. Shorts. I’ve seen all of these sold through the use of your friend and mine, Breast Cancer. Now, I have a problem with this. It started with the ribbons. AIDS was the first disease to have its own ribbon, with the sunny yellow being its designating color. Then came Breast Cancer, with its gentle pink… as if wearing the ribbons softly lull this killer out of the our breasts, the breasts of your mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, nieces, cousins, co-workers and friends. Maybe even an enemy or two.
Now we have ribbons of all sort, but in larger form. Want to show you are tapped into the Breast Cancer cure? Buy a pink KitchenAid. Flip flops. A stainless steel water bottle. Get them now, before you get Breast Cancer! The more you buy, the more money you contribute to Breast Cancer Research, the more you reduce your risk! So buy that margarita glass, those track pants, even that baby blanket (that is actually sick to me)! Because the commercialization of Breast Cancer ASSURES you will never get it.
Until you do. Too bad I lost the receipt to that KitchenAid. Can you see me returning it?
“Excuse me, I’d like to return this Pink Breast Cancer Awareness KitchenAid, please.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did it not work for you?”
“No, I was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer…it didn’t work for sh@t!”
“What? Why are you returning this item?”
“I’m returning this item because I got Breast Cancer even though I bought the pink one! Why did you sell pink ones?”
“To raise money for Breast Cancer Research, to put an end to Breast Cancer.”
“So what, did I buy it too early?”
“What? What are you talking about too early?”
“The research. I got the Pink Breast Cancer Awareness KitchenAid because I wanted to fund Breast Cancer Research, to put an end to Breast Cancer.”
“But I got Breast Cancer anyway. Pink KitchenAid did NOT work! I want my money back!”
“Um, ma’am, I’m only paid minimum wage. Do you want to talk to my manager?”
And so I’d be led out of Williams-Sonoma. At least that’s how it would happen if I HAD bought the Pink Breast Cancer Awareness KitchenAid and not the red one.